Fissure
by ReBelleRose
Summary: For James, there was only one choice. For Sirius, as many as the stars. But there were only ever two choices for Remus, even if no one knew. Or did.
1. Default Chapter

There had only ever been two choices for Remus Lupin: Lily, and Sirius.  
  
He didnÕt love them both equally-- that would have been betrayal; Remus didnÕt loved Lily, far and away. Nevertheless, it felt as though his heart was being split in two with a red-hot poker to look at either of them, at the end. Loving Lily was easy. Well, not easy, but easier to think of to himself, to work out and ponder. Sometimes, though, heÕd have fits of crazy, destructive passion, wanting, wanting SiriusÕs face and his smile directed at him, instead of the countless unworthy girls who seemed to always recieve it. And, well, for Lily...  
  
All he had to do was to remember not to get drunk, ever. 


	2. Dinner!

A/N: Disclaimer: Sue-Happy Lawyer: Hahaha!! We will get you! ReBelleRose (cowering): Nooooo! I have nothing, nothing, I tell you! S-h L: We will squeeze the last drop of money out of your piggy bank! RbR: I donÕt have a piggy bank. I have an empty sangria bottle. (J.K. Rowling comes out of clouds) JK: SAY YOU DO NOT OWN IT AND ALL WILL BE FORGIVEN!! RbR: Okay. I donÕt own Harry Potter or affiliates, as all are trademarks of Random House, Joann Kathleen Rowling, and Warner Bros. JK: That does very nicely, thank you.   
  
I also donÕt own ÒMy HeartbeatÓ by Garret Freymann-Weyr, which is refernced to in this chapter. ItÕs a good book, go get it. ThereÕs a lot more to it than what Remus remembers.   
  
Remus sat at the Gryfinndor House Table, as James, just back from Quidditch, and Sirius, just back from a suspicious broom closet, devoured the Minestrone.   
ÒIÕm--slurp-- starving!Ó James ranted, not really bothering to swallow. ÒThat Evanswood is working us to the bone! ItÕs not as though weÕre about to have a match, either. ItÕs Hufflepuff versus Slytherin, next.Ó  
Sirius said nothing. Remus decided to provide James with the illusion that someone was listening to him, and said ÒWhat day is the match?Ó  
James took another slurp of soup before responding. ÒWhat, you mean Hufflepuff and Slytherin?Ó  
ÒItÕs the only match anyone has mentioned, yeah.Ó  
James was terse, having realized the difficulty of eating soup and talking at the same time. ÒFifteenth.Ó  
Remus made an odd sound of assent through his nose, but Sirius asked, ÒDidnÕt someone say that Hufflepuff had a halfway decent chance of winning?Ó  
ÒWell, -slurp-- now that Lestrange is in the hospital wing, and Gristeld was too stupid to arrange for back-up chasers, yeah, Hufflepuff should be one up.Ó  
Sirius took up the conversation, and Remus thought that since he really was interested, it would be better to let him carry it on. He looked up at the enchanted ceiling. It was a clear, starry night, and the moon hadnÕt come out yet. RemusÕ older sister, Renata, had read a muggle book over the summer. It was called something like ÒMy HeartbeatÓ or ÒMy HeartbreakÓ. He didnÕt remember much of what it was about, except that the writerÕs last name had rhymed with ÒIÕm on fireÓ, that the girlÕs brother liked math, and the brotherÕs friend. The friendÕs name had been named James. The writer had talked about how James had Òhidden smiles and long, long, dark eyelashesÓ which only ever came out for the brother. Sirius was like that. They came out for James, the real not-in-the-book James, and Remus. Remus knew that the girls who chased Sirius were looking for one of those hidden smiles. HeÕd seen Lily get one, once, but sheÕd still stayed with James. There were as many girls who wanted Sirius as there were stars, Remus thought. Back to dinner.   
Ò--so, anyways, the Kestrels are gonna get absolutely slaughtered by the Arrows, it should set them up for the Cup.Ó  
Quidditch again.   
ÒOh, did you hear about that Cannons game? Against the Falcons?Ó   
ÒOh, that was painful. TheyÕre an insult to Quidditch itself. I didnÕt even know that a negative score was possible.Ó  
ÒYeah, really.Ó  
Remus looked down the table. Peter was in the hospital wing, thank merlin. HeÕd gotten hit in the face with a bludger while watching one of JamesÕ training sessions. Lily was chatting animatedly, cheeks glowing, with her friend Hestia and a petite 7th year named Emmeline Vance. A tall 5th year was introducing some of his friends; a redheaded boy and a very pretty girl, whom he knew as Molly.  
Ogg, up at the teacherÕs table, was looking very fine in his combed navy silk robes, despite being a gamekeeper. He was quite a dandy.   
Remus mentioned this to Sirius and James. ÒOggÕs looking fine, isnÕt he?Ó  
Snorts of disbelief came as the two other boys saw Ogg. ÒWell, heÕs never given up hope with Sinistra, has he, now?Ó said James.   
ÒItÕs a shame, there are so many other better-looking women who arenÕt gone all night.Ó James and Remus grinned at SiriusÕ remark. Hestia, who had overheard him, said ÒSIRIUS! EEeeew!Ó in a disbelieving voice, and swatted him.   
ÒOy, James, what did Sirius say now?Ó Lily asked, walking over to sit next to James.   
Remus answered. ÒAfter James refered to OggÕs apparent unrequited love for Sinistra, Sirius said, AND I quoteÓ At this, Remus cocked his head and assumed a breathy parody of SiriusÕs voice Ò ÔWell, there are so many other better-looking women who arenÕt gone all night.Ó  
LilyÕs voice came, among giggles, ÒThat was, erm, uncalled for??Ó James pressed Lily closer to his side.   
The bell rang; Remus realized that it was almost 7:30. He still had that essay to do for Arithmancy. He and the rest of the crowd slogged out of the hall, and into the common room, where the festivities would undoubtably continue.   
Saved by the bell.   
  
A/N: Yay! Thanks to all who reviewed! Hee. Okay, itÕs three reviews, but that I managed to even upload a document is big news to me. YÕalls can have some rainbow sprinkles. Also, I forgot my A/N and disclaimer last time, sorry to readers. This is my first ever fanfic, so, as always, push that magic little button down on the left and leave me some (drumroll please) constructive criticism! IÕm sure that someone will point out that this chapter really has no point, also, but IÕm trying to give you a taste of life at Hogwarts. Star-Shaped sprinkles to all who review. 


	3. Midnight Rendezvous

((A/N: Ah, well, it's short. And a long time coming. Sorry about that, I'm hoping that I'll finally get my act together and start Writing. ))  
  
((Disclaimer: No, I don't own Harry Potter, even if I'm not totally penniless anymore, thanks to some very generous pay for babysitting. Yay!))  
It was a green, dewey day, and the vivid green grass was lush and springy under Emmeline's footsteps as she walked along the lake to visit with Lily. Emmeline didn't know Lily well, and while she thought she seemed promising, there were times when Lily's self-righteousness compelled Emmeline to wish that ::poof!:: she would be hit by a flying carpet without brakes. Of course, as soon as she thought that, Emmeline had to feel a little bit bad-- she, as she said, barely knew her. And so she resolved to be friendly towards Lily. Emmeline would graduate at the end of the year, and Lily would not.  
"Hi!" Emmeline called out.   
Lily's head turned to smile at her: "Hey, Emmeline! How have you been?  
"Fine, thanks. You?  
"Good enough.  
Emmeline spread her school cloak underneath her and sat down. In the middle of the clump was Lily; a blonde who she thought was called Tawny, and a tall, dark girl- she didn't know her name, but she was friendly-not-really-acquaintances with her brother, Levi. The rest of the girls she didn't know, but listened to them talk anyways.   
The stawberry blonde. "...So that's what happened. And I have no idea about what to do. I mean, really.  
Tawny. "No, it's not your fault! Don't feel bad. It was all his fault, and getting you in detention with that idiot...  
As far as Emmeline could tell, the strawberry blonde had been out of bed in the early hours with a guy and gotten caught. Apparently the guy had fled, too, when he saw that a teacher was coming, and so the strawberry blonde had taken all the blame. Emmeline looked to Levi's sister. She had a sharp nose and a pointy chin, and expression of agitation on her face, and her black hair curled in waves at the bottom-- she hadn't said anything the entire time, either. The girl looked up and gave Emmeline a smile. Emmeline returned it.   
Instant alliance.   
  
Nothing interesting happend to Emmeline that thursday until after dinner, in the common room. The quiddtich-mania conversations persisted and were so all-consuming that Emmeline thought that she should just start liking quidditch Right Now, because there was no way in heaven she'd ever escape hearing about it for more than an hour and if you can't beat Ôem, join Ôem. She'd neglected a transfiguration essay until the very, very last minute, and ended up staying up long past 1 in the morning to finish it. It wasn't that Emmeline was a bad student-- she was bright, something she'd often been told, but "didn't apply herself" and "lacked motivation." Nevertheless, she still managed to get upwards of a B average, and Emmeline thought that if she could do all that just on pure talent, there was no point in getting A's in things she hated. The time passed and the common room gradually emptied-- first (curiously) James, Sirius and Remus had gone, with that Pettigrew brownnoser scurrying up the stairs behind them, and later even Lily and her gang of girls. Emmeline was suprised, then, when Remus came down the stairs to sit next to her on the big brown leather couch. He was pale and wan and way too skinny, and Emmeline almost wondered why he wasn't in the hospital wing . He sat down and rubbed his eyes. There wasn't anything for her to say, and obviously he hadn't been able to sleep. Now would be the moment that some telepathy would come in handy, thought Emmeline. She went back to her transfiguration, and he stared into the flames. It was awkward, to say the least.   
"You working on the transfiguration?" he asked, breaking the silence.   
Emmeline started. "Yeah." She handed it over to him-- Remus was a quick reader, and he scanned the page in a minute.   
"You're doing self-transfiguration?  
"Mmm-hmm. It's a nightmare. Even Dumbledore is almost losing patience with some people.  
Remus raised his eyebrows. "Hell." He handed back the paper. "Sorry, I'm totally clueless about that. We're just on switching spells right now.  
They talked until the conversation started running on fumes and the both of them realized they'd rather be with each other in silence. At long last the scribbling of Emmeline's quill stopped, and she packed up her bag.   
"'Night, Remus."   
"Don't let the bed bugs bite.  
  
Up in the dorm, Emmeline flopped into bed and fell into a long, deep sleep. But Remus stayed in the common room. They were not the only ones awake.  
  
((A/N: Ah, well, it's short. And a long time coming. Sorry about that, I'm hoping that I'll finally get my act together and start Writing. As always, click that little button on the bottom and REVIEW. with some constructive criticism, please. Thanks to all who reviewed last time!)) 


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